


Let Me Follow

by HardStansOnly



Category: GOT7
Genre: And all that jazz, Anxiety, Budding Love, Coping Mechanisms, Cuddling, Groping, Kissing, M/M, Oral Sex, Soft boys being soft, Song fic, gettin handsy in the dorms, i'm all up in my feels guys, jb is Stressed(tm), technically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 20:22:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19384015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HardStansOnly/pseuds/HardStansOnly
Summary: There's a tattered duffel bag kept in the closet and sometimes Jaebum just wants to run away from everything.





	Let Me Follow

**Author's Note:**

> I've been listening to Son Lux non-stop again for like 3 weeks and I'm feeling some kind of way. - S

**_You can break, throw yourself away._ **  
**_Leave it behind._ **  
**_We come undone._ **

It was nearly 3am and Jaebum couldn’t sleep. He'd been rolling for hours but no amount of melatonin or chamomile tea had helped. His whole head felt like it was splintering under the pressure of everything. The heavy knowledge of carrying the hopes and dreams of six men he loved. Each step he makes is calculated, cautious, weighed against a thousand possible outcomes. 

One wrong step they fall to ruin but if no experimentation is done they will get stale, the balance sitting precariously on the very tip of a double edged sword. Sometimes the weight of everything feels like it's suffocating him. In his studio his hands hover frozen, poised over the keys he's afraid to hit on the keyboard. In the practice room he can't decide on a step for the choreography. Even at the dorm where Jinyoung and Mark have taken over running things just so he can catch a breath, Jaebum can't do more than sit in silent panic as they try to ask what should be made for dinner. 

So many choices day in and day out and none of them feel like the right ones.

Turning on his side Jaebum eyed the clock again. In just a few short hours they'll have to get up and start all over again. A new day full of decisions to be made. A new day full of questions to be answered and courses to be decided.

Unable to remain in bed Jaebum quietly slipped out of his bunk, blankets left laying haphazard. He doesn't remember Jackson coming to bed but with the cotton that's filled his brain he doesn't trust himself to recall correctly. Even with China only being an hour ahead the time change always fucked with the younger's sleep cycles. Jackson already had so much on his plate that Jaebum didn’t want to add to it by stealing the little sleep Jackson desperately needed.

Not turning on the light, Jabeum sat against the wall staring at the tattered black duffle bag hidden under the bed. He had packed it three days ago when everything became too much. When he had been tempted to break his contract and hop a bus home. Fuck being Im Jaebum, leader of Got7 and member of JJP. Most days now all he wanted to be was DefSoul. A faceless DJ releasing EPs on soundcloud and playing at clubs. Packing the bag was a coping mechanism as much as a reminder that he didn’t have to stay. That everything was a choice, _his_ choice.

Jaebum couldn't really figure out what stopped him from walking out the door. He thought maybe it was all the time, money, and effort he had already put in. Or the paychecks that helped his family live more comfortably. No small part was because of the guys.

Maybe it was deep, deep down he loved all of this. Even _this_ part. 

The drowning.

It wasn't the first time he had been to this point. There had been several instances over the years that nearly drove him to jump ship and run. Each time he had dug his heels in and come out stronger and more determined. Each time he unpacked that bag.

"Hyung?" The voice knocked Jaebum back to reality. Standing in the doorway illuminated by the soft light of his phone screen stood Jackson. It turned out the younger _hadn’t_ made his way to bed yet. Or maybe he had simply fallen asleep on the couch. Jackson could fall asleep just about anywhere if he was tired enough. "You should be sleeping." Mustering a smile Jaebum held it only for a second before it dropped. He could bullshit the whole world but never his group, least of all Jackson. "You look like shit."

"The jetlag skipped you and got me." Jaebum managed a real grin at the man's scoff. "You should be sleeping too."

"Still on China time." Jackson's easy smirk helped ease some of the heaviness. It was hard to feel down with Jackson near. "You gonna tell me what's been eating at you?"

"It's nothing." Jaebum didn't lie per se, but the unimpressed eyebrow he got told him that Jackson wasn't buying it. "I'm f-"

"Your bag is packed again." Jaebum floundered for a moment. Jackson had been home for less than a day, there was no way he had found it. "We all see it Jaebum." The younger dropped to the floor next to him. "We all see how much you're struggling to keep your head above water for us."

"How did you know about the bag?" Jaebum slumped. He thought he was hiding all this better. He didn't want to be a burden on his group but it seemed they knew despite his best efforts. They all had so much to worry about without fearing their leader was losing it.

"I found it a few years ago." Jackson's voice was low. "It scared me. I thought we were gonna lose you. Every time it's missing from the closet I get worried that this is it. They've pushed us too hard and you're leaving." There was something small in Jackson's tone. "I hate that bag."

"I'm not leaving Jackson." Jaebum shifted to rest his head on Jackson's shoulder. "Not this time."

"If you do leave." Jackson pressed more firmly against his side. "Take me with you."

**_And if you need to, you can break me too_ **  
**_You can disappear_ **  
**_Please just take me with you and you go!_ **  
**_Or let me follow!_ **  
**_Let me follow!_ **

Jaebum unpacked the bag while Jackson watched silently from the bed. He re-hung the clothes in the closet and put the rest back in their drawers with quiet motions. The weight of Jackson's gaze lightened with each item until Jaebum returned the empty bag to the back corner of the closet he had pulled it from. A glance at the clock showed they had a little less than two hours to sleep before they need to get up for practice. Still on his bed Jackson sat watching, waiting, but for what Jaebum isn't quite sure. Instead of rousting the man to his own bunk Jaebum slid into his bed, an arm held up in invitation. Jackson sat still for a moment, face caught in surprise before his lips curled into a soft smile.

Having an armful of Jackson Wang wasn't a new experience. Jackson loved to be cuddled and if he wasn't getting enough he would crawl into people's laps to get more. When the man had first come to Korea he was constantly glued to someone’s side as if he’d die without the contact. At first Jaebum found it annoying, almost pushed him away until the first time Jackson had returned to China for something and suddenly the world was cold. It had been years since he had taken Jackson’s touch for granted. Still, Jaebum couldn’t stop himself from taking it in this new closeness. The long press of spine against his chest, the smell of Jackson's hair as Jaebum buried his face into the warm neck, the little hitches of breath when Jaebum trailed his fingertips down the muscled chest. Jaebum knew Jackson could feel his heart beating wildly but he kept his movements slow, purposeful.

Jaebum hadn't meant to it to get heavy. Really, he just wanted to hold Jackson and maybe sleep a bit. On the third time Jabeum ran his fingers down Jackson's chest the younger grabbed his wrist to move it down lower. Jaebum wondered if it was because Jackson was sensitive or if it was because of _him_ that his hand found Jackson hard in his shorts. 

"Jackson." Jaebum kissed where his face was still in the crook of his shoulder. In a shuffle of movement Jackson rolled onto his back. "I-"

"Shh." Jackson thumbed at his cheekbone as the younger drew him into a soft kiss. "Just feel tonight and we'll talk tomorrow." Jaebum could do that.

Kissing Jackson made him feel weightless. The soft lips against his nearly left him dizzy with the possibilities of what he wanted to do to the man below him. What he had thought about doing for years. Skimming his fingertips down the warm chest again, Jaebum listened to all the little sounds Jackson made. The small gasps and whines as Jackson held onto his bicep, face pressed into his neck. When Jaebum finally cupped Jackson through his shorts the younger arched, up knocking them both breathless.

"Can I take care of you Jackson?" Jaebum whispered. His whole body ached to pull Jackson into him. To give him some small relief in return for what Jackson had given to him.

"Jb, please." Jackson's legs fell open wider, the big brown eyes holding his own and full of trust that Jaebum wasn't sure if he had earned. "Touch me." The hand on his bicep slid down to cover his own hand even as Jackson rolled his hips up.

Catching Jackson's mouth in another kiss Jaebum groped and ground his hand against Jackson's shorts. When Jackson gasped Jaebum licked into the younger's mouth swallowing down the desperate noises. Jaebum took his time mapping out Jackson’s mouth, tongue running along teeth and sliding against Jackson’s own. It was so easy to get lost in this.

“Jackson.” Jaebum kissed him again, deeper and heavier until Jackson pulled their bodies flush together. Pinning Jackson’s hands above his head Jaebum fitted his hips between the open thighs. Trailing lips and teeth down Jackson’s neck he marveled at the easy submission, the way Jackson’s body reacted to his touch. “Keep your hands up there for me.” Jackson nodded and Jaebum kissed him as a reward.

He slid his hands down the toned arms, the chest that rose and fell with each breath, down to rest on the strong thighs. Taking his time Jaebum took in the sight of Jackson splayed out under him. He wanted to do so much, to touch and taste every part until Jackson shattered on the bed sheets, but that would have to wait. They still needed to get some form of sleep tonight and Jackson needed to be able to both walk and dance when they went in for practice.

Soon.

Even without sex he could still make Jackson feel good. Could still prove he was worth this risk and the trust that Jackson had put into him.

Shuffling down Jaebum kissed Jackson’s lips softly, then over the steady beating heart. Catching the hem of the shirt with he pushed it up to kiss along the hard earned muscle as it was revealed, humming happily as it quivered under his touch. Glancing up he smiled softly. “You can move now.” Instantly Jackson was up on his elbows watching. Mouthing along his hips just above the waistband of the gym shorts Jaebum hooked his fingers around the elastic to slowly pull it down. Taking the flushed skin in hand Jaebum flicked his gaze up to catch Jackson’s eye. Dragging his tongue along the head Jaebum nearly purred at the broken noise.

“Jaebum.” Jackson’s fingers burrowed into his hair. Closing his eyes Jaebum took more of his lover down.

Giving head wasn’t Jaebum’s favorite thing, he preferred more being able to see his lover’s reactions while he made them feel good. Jaebum loved watching people get so swept up in their own pleasure they forgot about anything else and that’s what he wanted for Jackson. He wanted to, even for just this short time they were together like this, overwhelm Jackson’s brain until it didn’t remember the things burdening it.

Bobbing his head up and down counterpoint to his hand Jaebum took pulled off to catch his breath. Above him Jackson was back on the bed, spine arched and a hand over his mouth to muffle the moans. The muscled thighs around him were shaking even as Jaebum kissed them reverently. He kept silently promising himself that he would get them wrapped around him, thrown over his shoulders, that he’d have Jackson in every way the younger would let him.

Soon wasn’t soon enough.

Returning to his work Jaebum gripped the slim hips, continuing to suck and lave until Jackson arched up, the sound of his name muffled by the hand still covering Jackson’s mouth. Jaebum kissed Jackson’s thighs and hip even as he pulled the shorts back up. Another glance at the clock showed they had an hour before the first alarm.

“Let me.” Already Jackson was beginning to move but Jaebum placed a firm hand on his chest. “Well that’s not fair.” Jaebum tried not to laugh at the pout.

“Later.” Fishing out the water bottle from the side of the bed Jabeum took a few drinks to clear out his throat. Nuzzling into Jackson’s neck Jaebum swallowed his fear and asked, “Can I take you to dinner?”

“Yes.” Jackson’s arms wrapped tightly around him. “One condition.” Jaebum stiffened a bit but didn’t move. “You don’t have to throw out the bag but don’t pack it until you talk with me okay?” Jaebum felt a small bubble of panic, the small lizard part of his brain only seeing that he was going to be trapped. “Hey.” Jackson pulled him up so that Jaebum was looking at him. “We’re in this together okay? If you pack up and leave then I’m coming with you.” Jaebum smiled, letting out a stuttered but relieved breath. Not trapped. There was just a second person who would be coming with him. Groaning in despair Jackson finally noticed the time. “Practice is going to be hell.”

“It is.”Jaebum adjusted them so Jackson was spooned up again his chest. “We’ll be okay though.” Jackson hummed happily while Jaebum tucked his face into the back of Jackson’s neck. Jaebum knew this wouldn’t fix everything, that there would still be bad days that he would be tempted to just run away. The difference was now Jackson would be there next to him to carry the weight of everything with him. Closing his eyes Jaebum fell asleep to the image of them sneaking off and standing at an empty bus stop giggling into each other’s mouths, packed bags at their feet.

 

**_We can run,_ **  
**_Forget ourselves_ **  
**_Leave them behind_ **  
**_We can make,_ **  
**_Believe_ **  
**_Tell our story with another life_ **  
**_And some reappear_ **

**_We can disappear._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Say hi to us on Tumblr!  
> https://bang-channies.tumblr.com/
> 
> hey kids we got a twitter:  
> S - https://twitter.com/hardstansonly  
> K - https://twitter.com/BChannies


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